So, the hottest topic on Twitter right now?
All the things 30-Year-Olds are too old for. The top two? That I should give up on my dreams of being a rapper (damn!!! Just when I figured out how to Dougie) and that it's time to move out of Mom's basement (really? I had 'til 30 to do that?).
I also learned middle-aged women are too old for belly piercings – which I agree with… but did I just get called middle-aged? Am I only living to 60? Wait… this is how you tell me?!! On Twitter?!
Some well-spoken Youngen sprang to the defense of us elderly folk and said, ” Just because someone's different from you and does things for longer than you, doesn't make them wrong.” I gave her a thumbs up, although it still felt like a bit of a backhander. Yeah, I've been doing things longer because I've had more years to do it. I'm who made it cool. Respect!
I love hearing the blissfully myopic viewpoint of 18-year-olds. As much as I start to wonder if this turning-thirty-com
plex is all in my head, they reassured me today that nope, I am in fact past my expiration date and should be put out to pasture pronto.
The other dreams Twitter says I have to put to rest asap?
-Growing my hair out — Turn thirty, you get a Mom-cut. End of story.
-Going back to school — Adult education = creepy.
-Going to clubs — You're too old to dance. Please stay home.
-Online dating — What?! They're gonna keep all the weirdos to themselves? Not fair!
-Saggin – This startled me at first because I thought they were talking about breasts. And I was going to say, honey, they just get going at 30.
-Having One Night Stands, it's time for you to get married – Okay, this is starting to feel personal…
And my favorite, written by a large woman with a photo of her underwear:
-Tweetin Me – such a hater. I thought we were friends.