Welcome, Ladies and Gents, to the first He Said / She Said segment on MyThirtySense! Today’s topic? The Math To How Soon A Girl Will Sleep With You. XY + XX = SEX
If Calculus was like this in high school, maybe you would have paid more attention.
Bringing in the men’s side, BRENT, a successful, 30-year-old lawyer from Houston:
“To me, the idea that there’s an ideal number of dates that one should go on before sex is like some strange form of OCD. So, when I go out with a girl, I zero on a specific type of algorithm: what can I do to decrease the number of dates it takes for her to decide to sleep with me?
Step 1: Women Fall in Love With Their Ears
I try to talk about things that may be interesting to my date, even if – or maybe because – they might be slightly offensive or embarrassing. Dating is supposed to be fun! Why ruin an opportunity for a great night by acting like this is my first date ever? Act confidently, engaged and even be a little surprising with what you share, which will help her do the same, and the uneasiness that is usually only brushed away by multiple dates will strip away… as will hopefully the clothes if you play the next two steps well.
Step 2: Don’t Try To Buy Her
I’ve noticed a lot of guys go way over the top on their first date trying to impress a girl – and all they receive at the end of the date is a bill equal to my monthly rent in college. To me, that approach is all wrong. I’m not saying that you should take a date to a place where she has the option of super-sizing her meal, but in my experience if a girl gets the feeling you’re trying to buy your way into her bed, you’re not getting into it.
Step 3: Location, location, location
It’s as true in dating as it is in real estate. If you’re hoping to get lucky at the end of your date, it starts with where you choose to go.
First location tip – if going to a restaurant, pick a bustling, loud one – it helps avoid the awkward silences that are bound to occur. Also, it helps create energy. Sitting down and eating is already pretty boring and an energy drain, so an interesting environment helps create a sense of excitement. The noise also helps drown out her mother’s voice in her head telling her that she shouldn’t go home with you so soon.
Second location tip – don’t necessarily pick a restaurant for your first date. Your date, in order to look great for you, probably spent a lot of time getting ready. Knowing this, why would you choose to go to a restaurant and sit, with 75% of your date hidden under the tablecloth? Even if you’re going to pick a restaurant, choose a place with a bar where you and your date can stand up, you can appreciate how she looks and what she’s wearing, and you can try to close the physical distance between the two of you. Sitting across a table from each other is nowhere near the same as standing next to each other, leaning in to whisper comments in each other’s ears.
And last location tip – Pick a place that’s close to other fun venues, so that if things are going well, the date can continue at another place. Going to several locations in one date can make it feel like you’ve already been on multiple dates by the end of the night. And to finish strong, make sure you pick a spot that’s close to your place, so that at the end of the night it doesn’t sound quite so far away to her.
The most important thing to remember is that you’re not trying to change her mind; you’re just trying to change her mood.”
Mom and brother, now is the time to stop reading.
You gentlemen know that we have certain rules in our head (3 Date Rule, 10 Date Rule, wait one month, wait until Monogamy, wait until marriage – wait what?)… we want to wait a respectable amount of time like the civilized ladies we were brought up to be but we’ll also throw it all out (or at least abbreviate it) for a guy we’re connecting with. So how do you be the lucky guy we connect with that we’re willing to throw our rules out for?
Step 1: Sorry But My Ears Would Like To See Other People
We’re on the date, we’re listening to your offensive / engaging / surprising story, we’re into it. We want this to work out because guess what? Women want a companion, too, and we’re thinking, maybe you could be that companion. That’s why we’re there after all. But then you go and say something weird before we even order our entree. And our vaginas crawl back inside themselves never to return. Many men need to learn one small thing – don’t fuck it up. Women want to say yes! So be conscience of what stories can be considered endearing and quirky and what can be off-putting. And if you can somehow avoid doing this, your chances for some kind of something will skyrocket. It may not be a homerun on date one but as your father always taught you, something is better than nothing, right?
Step 2: Yes, Please, Buy Us
Drinks, that is. If your date’s not drinking, it’s an early warning sign that she doesn’t deem you worth wasting the vacant calories that night or she’s rigid (or she’s on cold and flu meds) – none a good sign for any chance of an after party. They call alcohol a social lubrication for more than one reason. That doesn’t mean you should push drinks on her – she’ll see that coming a mile away. But if you’re both having a great time and the drinks just keep appearing, her inhibitions are probably lowering with each round. And most likely, if she’s drinking up, she’s happy with where it’s going.
Step 3: Connection, Connection, Connection
You can put all the thought in the world into location but it doesn’t mean shit if you don’t know what to do with us once you got us there. The trendiest bar in the city could be in your bedroom and it still wouldn’t save you if we don’t feel the vibe.
Connection Tip#1- Many men don’t remember the most obvious starter: Flirt! This is a date not a blooming friendship. Compliment how we look. Let us know you’re attracted to us. That’s a big turn on.
Connection Tip#2- Help us see the sustainability of the relationship, show us the future. Women see sex as a transferring of power – men do all this wooing in the courtship phase to get to the sex part – which is why we hold off on it as long as possible – we don’t want the white table cloths to go away! So, make us feel like this isn’t a fling for you. It’s the only way to Pass Go.
Connection Tip#3- And if we’re hitting it off, find a way to touch us – graze our leg when you’re laughing or touch our hand when you’re talking or whatever feels natural. Breaking the physical boundary is an important way to show us you’re into us. And hey, you gotta start somewhere…
Okay, the truth is, and I’m sorry to disappoint you Brent and all other keepers of the XY Chromosome, but there is no exact science to decoding what it takes to get a girl into bed – because the variable is YOU and HER. What works on one, won’t work on the next. And you can battle against the rules we have in our head as much as you want but women understand that if they’d like to have a relationship with a guy, having sex too soon will short-circuit any chance of that. Women, by design, are built to be selective and men are built to say YES. Don’t hate the lady, hate the game.
So, Mr. Owl, it begs the original question… How many dates does it take to get to the center of a TootsiePop?
“Uh one, uh two, uh three… CRUNCH. The world may never know.”